Mom's Birthday

Well, today would have been my mom's birthday. I can hardly believe she would be 70!
She was 47 years old when she passed away on January 19th 1986. I will never forget the day because I was 14 and it was my first experience with death. {besides our beloved pet dog penny}
we had been at my aunts house the night before, about 45 minutes away from where we lived. she was babysitting for my cousins. I ended up staying the night that night because they didn't want to wake me up to take me home. {it never stopped them before, but I am thankful for whatever reason they decided not to take me home} for if I had I would have witnessed my mother's passing. she had a heart attack at home. It was sudden, unexpected. we got the call and the rest is history.
I am fortunate to have had my father at the time who managed to somehow get to where I was in what seemed like minutes from a few town away. I had many long talks with my dad about death over the years, he would bring me to the cemetary and I would get angry and sit in the car. He thought he was doing the right thing, but I didn't want to go stare at a cold stone. A 14 year old has a hard time imagining what goes on underneath the ground at a time like that. so to this day you will not see me visiting the cemetaries and such, I will be the one in the car waiting for the others to finish their visits. I remember telling my dad that I had hoped to pass on before he did because I didn't want to go through it again. He gave me quite a big lecture and said "dont you dare say that!" he lived a full life and there is nothing worse than losing a child. It's a conversation that wasn't appreciated until I had kids of my own. I miss my mom still, but it is different. She has missed so much of my life, that I think what I miss most is the "could haves" I have just learned to deal with it, and only get little twinges of grief when I see mother daughters with close relationships and having lunches, heart to hearts, etc,,, but time really does heal. I can think about her today and laugh at the silly things she would say and do, and my sisters and I joke around calling eachother "Eileen" {her name} when we see the silly resemblences in our day to day lives. We honored her by using her middle name which was Amber for our own girls. My sister Shelly used Nicole Amber, My sister Chris used Grace Amber and I now have Kayla AmbeRae . {blended amber with rae to honor my mother in law as well}
Well, my first ramble at my blog....... Happy Birthday mom, you will always be remembered with kindness and love and dont worry I am okay.